Filters

It’s a wonder to me how any mom can have the slightest bit of self esteem by the time her children are old enough to know about “filters”. Teaching our kids to say something other than what they are actually thinking is mentally exhausting, but it does provide some pretty funny moments.
Here are some examples:

1. UNFILTERED VERSION: When Tommy was little he caught sight of my cleavage showing when my shirt needed to be adjusted. He was disgusted by this and exclaimed, “ UGH! MOM! I can see your other butt crack!” FILTERED VERSION: “mom, fix your shirt”.

2. UNFILTERED VERSION: Church was about to start and the opening prayer was about to be said. The room was very quiet. I leaned down and whispered to Matthew, “fold your arms for the prayer”. He then plugged his nose and very loudly says, “ ewwww! Mom! You’re breath stinks!”. There were muffled giggles during the entire prayer. FILTERED VERSION: whispers, “mom would you like some gum?”

3. UNFILTERED VERSION: All of my kids at one point during their childhood have made comments about the moles on my face, neck, and arms. Joe always thought they were clumps of dirt. CJ thought they were moldy mosquito bites. Tommy thought they were bugs, and Matthew called them “brown bumps”. When my daughter Camerin was little she was always trying to pick them off of my skin. One day she just looked up at me and said very sympathetically, “ I’m sorry I can’t get those chocolate chips off your face mommy. I hope you still feel pretty anyways.” FILTERED VERSION: “you are pretty, Mommy”

4. UNFILTERED VERSION: Matthew barged into the bathroom right when I was getting out of the shower. I asked him to please leave and shut the door so I could have privacy. His reply was, “it’s ok mom, I will be nice. I won’t tell you that your bum is a big bum- I won’t say that” FILTERED VERSION: “oops, sorry mom” and shutting the door.

5. UNFILTERED VERSON: When my son CJ was little he was snuggling with me on the couch and his foot rubbed up against my bare leg. He then asked, “do all moms have pokey legs?” ( the answer is YES, by the way) FILTERED VERSION: “I love snuggling with you mom”

6. UNFILTERED VERSON: While buckling Joe into his car seat when he was little he says to me, “ mommy why did you color on your teeth?” I inquired why he would ask that and he replied, “ because today they are yellow!” FILTERED VERSION: “thanks for buckling up my car seat mom.”

7. UNFILTRED VERSION: While singing a bedtime song to my two oldest boys when they were little, CJ put his hand over my mouth and demanded , “mommy, stop now” to which Joe says, “ thank you CJ!” FILTERED VERSION: “thanks mommy, good night”

8. UNFILTERED VERSION: Matthew watching me work out to my Slim in 6 excersice video says, “mom, you don’t look like that lady AT ALL!” FILTERED VERSION: “good job mom!”